Me dog, bless 'im

Did a crap in the back yard. On bending down to pick it up, I noticed lots of white lines in it, so called for a second opinion.

Me and the wife, having a real good look at this phenomenon wondering if it was worms or something.

Had to do the dirty, plastic bag on hand, pick it up and squish it to see what happened.

It finally dawned on us that it was the lattice 'bag' thing put on meat to hold it together that the 'scamp' had pinched from the waste bin.

Oh how we laughed.

Back at Uni

First year halls.

I awoke to the sound of knocking on the door of my room. When I opened it, my mate (also called James) said, 'Jeem, you've got to see this!'

As it turned out, someone - still unknown to this day - had emptied his back at astonishing velocity in our loos.
to summarise the scene, it looked like someone had dropped a banger into a bottle of chocolate Frijj, dropped it in the toilet, put the lid down and ran!
The whole bowl was covered in a brown smelly film, unflushed, and to make it worse - not a sign of toilet paper!

Think we flushed it from a distance with a stick in the end.

American poo story

Used to go to the Le Mans 24 hour race every year. The Portaloos provided by the french left a lot to be desired as they are the "hole in the ground with a pair of raised pedestals for you to stand on" type.
Imagine our delight as an American chap in perfectly pressed white T-shirt, cap, shorts, socks and trainers strides out of the loo, looking both relieved and pleased with a job well done. We were delighted because he'd shit all down the back of his leg / sock / trainer and didn't realise.
Excellent!